Reflections (written for my sons girl friend)

Reflections of  radiance ……………of peace……………..of  composure

Splendor…………………….. and grace…………………… where once lay uncertainty

Reflections of destiny brilliantly glowing …………………………making the future an exciting

probability!

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Recall

Nothingness………………

It always begins with nothingness.

Dark………Silent………………..NOTHINGNESS.

The only sound is my breath, heavy with anticipation.

Maybe they will not call.

Sometimes I wish they would’t!

But I know they are faithful, they always call.

At first it is a slight whisper…………..I try to ignore it.

I try to blend into the dark nothingness, hoping they will not find me.

The cries get louder, they all have the same voice.

Finally,  I can take it no longer and give in and follow the cries.

Take me, they all say, take me, they cry in unison.

As I travel down the dark pathway, the voices get louder.

I approach the depth of the darkness they reach for me.

They all look alike. I never know which one to take.

I wonder where the happy ones are.

Maybe they are hiding, waiting for me to free them.

Maybe I have to conquer all the sad ones to reach the happy ones.

I stand there looking around,  listening to their cries. I finally grab one.

I travel back to the beginning of nothingness, hoping this one will be different.

Maybe not so painful.

I wait for it to take life, to explode in my brain.

I know there is no turning back.

I wonder if what I see is all true.

Or have I made adjustments to make it hurt more, or hurt less.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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A man of words

Sammy was a man of words.

Letters brought together………..to heal……..to honor………to love………..and to grow.

Poetry        Plays       Songs……..  all of hope, love and longing.

Sammy was a dreamer…………..his dreams were made up of words.

Letter forced together               A M B I T I O N

P R O M I SE

ACCOMPLISHMENT

Sammy saved my life with words.  Words that understood………….and empowered.

Sammy was a man of words and dreams.

When Sammy died, all he left were his words and his dreams.

What an inheritances!

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Here we go!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ahv_1IS7SiE&oref=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fresults%3Fsearch_query%3Dthe%2Bplaces%2Byou%2527ll%2Bgo%26oq%3Dthe%2Bplaces%2Byou%26aq%3D2%26aqi%3Dg10%26aql%3D%26gs_sm%3Dc%26gs_upl%3D7317l44260l0l47466l22l22l2l9l4l0l320l2683l0.1.9.1l11l0&has_verified=1

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Were to begin.

So, I decided to start this blog as a gift to myself. I thought I might be able to heal my inner child, with words. 

Letters are flying in every direction, but I cant seen to form the words to begin this journey.

I think I might be afraid of letting go.  Maybe I feel comfortable being uncomfortable. Maybe I have been uncomfortable for so long, I fear the unknown.

I remember when I was in my late 20’s ( a young mother of 2) I went to a therapist for a certain             ” issue”.

I had not come across the” issue” but I was afraid I might, so I went for preventive help. The therapist was determined to go down paths that I was not able to journey. She insisted,…….. and I followed, after all she was the professional, what the hell did i know……… I ended up in a very dark place, that I was not emotionally or physically ready for. I begged her to help me with the” issue” I had come for, but she kept on opening the forbidden doors, I had so carefully locked.

End of story is, I left her, and I had to do the preventive work myself (i did not trust therapists for a while) and I was left with so many questions, so many memories, so many fears, that I was not able to deal with.  After a while I was able to push them back to where I thought they belonged.

I often wonder what would have happened if I would have stayed with her and did the work then. How would it have changed my life?

I have no regrets, I am who I am today because of who I was yesterday.

At 46, I think I can say that I am ready, ready to remember, ready to work and ready to heal.

Where to begin.

 

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Path to my personal redemption!

This blog is a gift to myself!

There will be many bumps and sharp turns on this journey.

This ride is not for the weak at heart, (or the captious)  Buckel up, and feel free to exit at anytime.

Joy2tears is my life, the good the bad and the ugly!

 

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